cats, weight loss, and other annoying things

charlie is nuzzling into the keyboard as I attempt to type this. So after a long time of thought and mental confrontation, I realized something that every woman realizes at some point in her life:

I am not happy with my body.

Its a strange concept to me, because since I was a kid I've had total body confidence. I didnt even concider the idea that I was remotely out of shape. And, for the majority of my life, I never was. I was always that weedy little kid with the little legs and the teeny tiny arms. In fact, my first confrontation with my body came to be on one random night, two years ago, in a hot tub with my at-the-time boyfriend. I remember, like the normal tactless fool I was, asking him,

"If there was anything about my body that you could change, what would it be?"

I had some strange idea that he'd ask for more muscular arms, or bigger boobs, or something that I felt like I could laugh off. I mean, my boobs were (and still are) the perfect size, and my arms look great regardless of their wimpyness. But to my suprise, he considered for a moment, and said,

"probably your thighs. I mean, theyre not bad now, but I wouldnt mind if they were...thinner."

Uhhh, what? I looked down in the hot tub to get a good glimpse at these new offenders. Since when did I have fat?

At that point I decided to try out the gym scale, just to get an idea of how much I weighed. This was the beginning of my college year, and I hadnt been on the scale in about 2 years. At the time I had been about 120 or so. I didnt expect much of a change. except...

129? really? I know that doesnt seem like a lot to anyone else, but to a once-weedy kid, its pretty much a slap in the face. at that point I decided it was time to get into shape. I started slow, with an endurance training class, and from there I kept on going: pilates classes, step training class, one terrible decision that landed me in my one--and hopefully only--spin class. But as time has gone on, my desire to keep exercising has dimished and finally died. so Im doing something about it.

There's this INSANE workout I found in a magazine: lose 8 POUNDS in a MONTH! which is dangerous and illogical, but Im signing up for it anyway. Im going to try to lose 6 pounds in a month, which is less scary, and tone up in time for halloween. I'm pretty sure I can do this, and I really need support and positive feedback. even if nobody reads this, it helps me to think people can see this because then i feel like i have to do it. SO im going to stop rambling about this and just start logging everything in here. Im going to try to get a photo up soon so I can do a before/after shoot. Im so excited for this!